(Happily) Forever After

I'm supposed to be writing. I am also supposed to be cleaning my kitchen and doing laundry.

Instead, I am at my computer.

The Musician is playing Christmas music on the piano, and I am getting into the spirit of the season. Meaning, I would much rather be baking cookies than working. I would also rather be eating cookies!

Last night, I went to a restore and retreat yoga class which involved such things as soft music, dim light and space heaters. While I was lying in a position called the dead frog (or maybe it was the fluffy corpse), I had an epiphany. See, yoga lady was saying that we should keep our eyes closed as we transitioned into the next position so as not to allow our thoughts to wander to all the things in life that cause us stress and distress. Hearing her say that made me do the unthinkable....open my eyes.

So, there I was, lying in the aforementioned position, getting ready to transition to some other equally unfortunate position and my mind was wandering and so was my gaze. There were eight or nine other people in the room, and they were all lying very obediently...palms up and eyes closed. They did, indeed, look rather like corpses.

And, that's when it occurred to me that I do not want to be removed from all the things that annoy, distress and stress me, because those things are the things that matter most, and the only time I would not want to have those things is if I were...well...a corpse.

Which, thankfully, I am not.

Why was I thinking this, you might ask?

Well, aside from the fact that I opened my eyes and ruined my momentary separation from this realm, I heard some wonderful news at church, yesterday, and I'd been thinking about it all day.

See, about six months after Cheeky joined our family, our church friends Janet and Steve took in two foster kids. C and S had been through a lot. Way more than any kid should. C, a girl and closing in on 13, had the most to deal with, but S, a boy of 9, also had struggles. They needed people like Janet and Steve in their lives. Two people who'd already raised four kids to adulthood, who knew about teenage angst and moodiness and all the things that come with growing up.

From the very beginning, Janet and Steve planned to make these kids theirs. Both children were already legally free to be adopted, and Janet and Steve had the love and commitment to give them the family they needed. I've watched as C and S have transitioned into a real family. A family that cared more about them than the money the foster system paid. A family that wanted school work done and healthy food eaten and emotions discussed.

Transitions like this, they don't happen easily. They don't happen over night. They don't happen just because they should. They happen because a commitment is made to make them happen.

On Thursday of last week, C and S spent their last morning as foster kids. They ate their last breakfast as foster kids. Then, they went to court and stood in front of a judge and became the thing that they hadn't been for a very long time - children with parents. Not foster or transitional or for-today-parents, either. Legal...you are mine forever parents.

There are wonderful foster parents out there. I know several, and I admire them deeply, but there is something about that legal connection that comes when a child is adopted that matters to these kids. Maybe you don't believe it. Maybe you think kids don't understand the difference between fostered and adopted, but I have seen that knowledge in the eyes of C and S, and I have seen it in Cheeky's eyes.

For many years, she was a foster child. Now she is my child. My husband's child. Ours completely and without reservation. She feels that deeply. To her, this family has become different than the family she had before. She feels the bond that grows every day with every word and deed and smile. She knows that we pledged our hearts to her on June 22, 2009, and so, she has pledged her heart to us. It has been an easy road so far. Very easy, because Cheeky is an easy girl, but we are not living a fairytale. There will be no perfect happily-ever-after. There will be moments when we will struggle. Cheeky or me or The Man or any one of the other kids. There are bound to be disappointments and heartaches in the future.

But, man, I'd rather live a thousand trials with my kids and husband than one moment without them.

That, then, is the epiphany I had while lying in dead fluffy frog position with my eyes open and my mind full. Happily-ever-afters are great in books, but forever after is what matters most. Committment and love and joy in the trials. That is the heart of every family.

Congratulations, Janet and Steve and kids. I am so very very happy for you!